You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
