i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
