Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
