she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
