he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
