just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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