When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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