quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
