I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
