DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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