I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
