My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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