there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
