I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
