the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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