I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
