I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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