why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
