and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
