Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
