all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
