I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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