I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
