don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
