Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
