I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
