Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
