"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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