hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
