I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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