Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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