Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I will pee on everything he values.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
