We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think your dad took our porno
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
