My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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