Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
