The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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