Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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