I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
