we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
