are you still at the devil's house?
I bet he comes in French.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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