I'm gonna have a badass scar
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
