After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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