you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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