And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
