I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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