not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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