I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
