I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
