unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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