i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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